Joe

I've seen you lurking about, Joseph, and I think it's high time you contributed, especially after I went to all the trouble to change the opening blurb to be inclusive! How about tearing a page out of that notebook...or would that be pasting a page in it?

; )

It's High Time I Posted Here

When I am not busy with work, data analysis (really, it is a part of my job), going into classrooms, attending my own classes, feeding the Giant Mouths that are my family, doing yoga, reading for pleasure, playing the piano, chatting with my friends online, writing papers, doing laundry, going out for luncheons with my girlfriends, hanging with my cool kiddos, taking pictures, trying to get my hair to behave, or attacking my luscious husband then I feel it's time to blog for the Bad-Assed Girls.

So here I am.

Mostly I wanted to further point you loverly BAGS in the direction of a wonderful blog and then tell you about an idea I have currently brewing in my brain. Beware. I'm great with ideas and not so good on follow-through sometimes.

Recently, I've discovered the Mommybloggers, a group of phenomenal writers whom I read on their private sites and who aren't at all what I admittedly thought a mommy blogger was. Here is an interview with one such blogger, Jen from Not Calm Dot Com, and I loved the ending question.

If you're familiar with the show Inside the Actors Studio you'll appreciate them. If not, then go here first, spend gobs and gobs of hours there, and then come back.

We'll wait.

Tra-la-la! You're back. How did you like it? Was it good? Oh, I'm so pleased. Did you play the Personality Profile Game? Wonderful. You're not such bad-assed girls afterall.

Especially you, Joe.

Now, on with the show. My idea is that we write 10 interview questions for one another and then send them via email to one person (or, you know, get all ambitious on our asses and do the whole lot) and then write and Interview Post!

Need another sample? Ok. Then take a look at Leah Peah who writes some very good (and funny and with pictures which is, like, a whole other cool thing!) interviews of famous bloggers or Celwebrity people.

Jess, who is very pretty, might have to say that word slowly to get it. We'll wait for her.

Oh, good. Jess isn't just pretty, she's smart! And that cute little accent of hers did not deter her from pronouncing it correctly.

Who's game for this? Hmmm?

Where We All Are

Wondering where all the BAGs are? So was I. So I went on a fishing expedition:

Kelly has been bawling with Oprah and fretting about Ken's addiction to the Oprah cult. Kell...when he starts emptying out the checking account and getting cornrows himself, that's when you should really worry, Hon! She's also been lamenting, in a truly marvelous post, the assholes who are sometimes our "guidance" counselors.

Educators need to check their attitudes, bigotry, classism, and narrow-mindedness at the door. Of course, you could do anything you chose, Kelly. We all can, regardless of whether you're a woman, you're black, you're poor, you're "differently-abled" or, God forbid, you're a single, teen-aged mother. The only people with real limitations are asshole "guidance" counselors who want to pigeon-hole kids based on their own, warped and narrow perceptions! You my heroine, Kell. Don't be concerned about my spelling of "you're." ; )

Von has been posting broken links all over the place and has been playing with really long pipes. Want to see? She has not, however, been regularly beating her husband and children and we really miss that about you, Von!

Jess and her hubby have been holding hands. Awwwww...isn't that sweet? So then what's she doing playing around with horny teenagers on MSN, huh?

Penny has been lamenting being "old." Puhleaze!!! You're a spring chick, Girl! And she has a fascinating link to one Lancelot "Capability" Brown, an 18th century English landscape designer. Loverly! A life goal of mine is to, someday, have a fabulously cluttered and bright English cottage garden. I could use all the links and tips you Brits have, Penny!

Me? Well you'll just have to go find out for yourself. I'm not telling my own tales here. But some recent tags have been: feminism / health care / lesbian / US politics / sexuality / sex-positive / masturbation / women's health

And I wonder why I get some freaky hits via my site meter...

I Have Decided

As First Administrator of our blog, I've made an administrative decision regarding the footer. I've removed the Alan Simpson quote:

If you have integrity, nothing else matters. If you don't have integrity, nothing else matters. ~ Alan Simpson, former US Senator from Wyoming

and replaced it with one from the lovely, abundant Mae West, which seems much more fitting for our group. Scroll down to the footer and see what you think. Don't worry about Alan. I find him a suitable home on another blog.

Consensus???

Mucho. Matcha. Mochita. Oh, my.

Did y'all know our little Kelly (Cheryl ::sighs:: to think we knew her when! ;) is becoming a world-famous blogger extraordinaire? Really! Check out the link, above, (click on the post title, it's linked) if you don't believe me! She's got her very own domain name (http://www.mochamomma.com) and all! (Cheryl ::sighs:: that she wants some of Kelly's readership and site design! ;) Of course, we BAGs never do anything halfway, do we? We are our own little, twenty-something mom to middle-aged fart (or would that be "tart?"), female (well, mostly) Dead Poets Society.

I went to the woods because I wished to live deliberately, to front only the essential facts of life, and see if I could not learn what it had to teach, and not, when I came to die, discover that I had not lived. I wanted to live deep and suck all the marrow of life....

-- Henry David Thoreau, author of Walden

That would be us...sucking all the marrow of life while trying not to choke on the bone! What? You thought that would take you someplace else? Sorry! (Go ahead...try typing "www.someplaceelse.com" into your browser. It must be an internet quirk, sort of like this.)

Three cheers for Kelly! May you live long, prosper, be properly paid for your wit, wisdom and writing (it's visually alliterative, anyway) and spare at least a day or two each year for the peeps who still reside in the vicinity of your humble and lowly beginnings! ROFLMSAO!



I got an e-mail today from Boca Java. No, I'm not going to send you directly to Boca Java, Silly! If you click through from my site and buy something, I think I get credit or money or something. I don't know what but something good happens. Something good always happens when I pull out my magic wand, click my ruby-encrusted heels together and.... No, wait. That's another post on another blog. Anyway, the e-mail from Boca Java directed me to the Boca Java Tea Infusion Line. What should greet my wondering eyes but a 30 gm. tin of their Traditional Matcha. It was all I could do to stifle a piercing cry. I choked back a sob.

My, but that 'Matcha' Gift Set reminded me of our own Lil' Kelly, our Mocha, our Capuccina, our very own Princess Leia! I drifted back in time to a simpler, gentler time when life was, well, gayer! My mind harkened back to yesteryear, to those long, sultry Sunday evenings spent embarassing and generally pissing people off in Gar's Room on Gamehouse. Oh, those were the days, my friends!

But life goes on and we learn and we grow and we sometimes drift apart. Kelly, as you're accepting your Koufax Award someday, please feel a tiny pang for the little people who "knew you when" but will love you always!

***Special and genuine thanks to someone I never met who writes at firedoglake for the list of winners!*** (If I'm not properly citing you, please let me know?)

(The views expressed in the above post present the opinions of the poster and do not necessarily represent the views of the Bad-Assed Girls, its advertisers, affiliates or sponsors. No, it's pretty much the wordy bitch dyke of the bunch running off at the mouth as she is wont to do. Any resemblence to factual data or an intelligent thought thread is purely coincidental and totally cool, Dude! The owners, management, members and staff of the Bad-Assed Girls are not responsiblefor how the views expressed in this post may make you feel. Hell, they're not all that responsible, period. Until you know how this post may affect you you should refrain from driving, drinking alcohol or operating dangerous machinery. So, if you're planning on using that vibe, don't tell them WE told you to use it behind the wheel, drunk, for God's sake! You know you should never drive drunk!)

Remember you can hold down "control" and move the little wheel on your mouse up or down to make the print larger or smaller. These little tips come in handy later in life, Girls and Not-Girls!

New Pics

Pssst...there are new pics on Brendan Robert's Very Own Webpage, in case anyone's remotely interested. May I tell you how cute he is???

Hey Girls, and Guys

First off, welcome home, Justin. Come up for air when you can, Love.

Secondly...Ladies, and titular Gentlemen, I have "claimed" our blog on Technorati. Seemed like a good way to find out a little more about it before I commit my blog. Have I told you yet about my new life motto is? "Being a crabby bitch is just part of my charm." Deal with it. ; )

Anyway, I snagged Bad-Assed Girls on Technorati. I added the brief description:

"Nine bitchin' babes and a couple of titular dudes from the four corners of the earth come together for fun and mischief. And you can watch!"

Whaddya think? Too inviting? Too Suggestive? Too sexual? Will consider revisions if anyone's sensibilities are maimed.

I've added the following 'tags' to our site, because I need to start understanding what tags are and this place is good practice. Anyway, the tags I chose are:

children, life, family, sex-positive, feminism, women, international.

Are there any others you would like added? They should contain a modicum of maturity and self-possession. Oh, I forgot who I'm addressing. No bad words, okay?

ROFLMSAO!

Love to all...

HE'S HOME

WoooooHooooooo!

He walked in the door, suprised the hell out of me. Arms full of flowers, bourbon, smokes, hugs and kisses.... God I love this man!

Now if you all will excuse me... I am going to pack the kids off into their beds...... and spend copious amounts of time reaquainting myself with every inch of the sexy hide I missed sooooo much.

Talk to you next month sometime... maybe ;-)

Love , hugs, licks, kisses, whips and spanks
The About To Get Laid Dragon Queen!

How About This?

Since Joe was so offended at either a.) being left out of our introductory blurb altogether or b.) being referred to as a "growing babe," (I think 'a' is more likely...Joe is far too secure to question his masculinity ; ) I suggest we make it up to him and have thought of the perfect remuneration...

We let Joe have a featured, weekly column! Think of it...it could be called "The Notebook," or "Joe's Notebook," or, "Who Wants to Pay a Million for Joe's Notebook," or something equally slick. Joe could publish a quaint anectdote from his "photographic memory" ::winks largely:: of times in Gar's Room, or he could not publish, if the compensation were sufficient.

Think about it, Joe. I'm not sure what retirement prospects are in The Netherlands but a little cushion couldn't hurt!

; )

Link

Whazzup Wid Dis???

I go away for a weekend and everything dies on BAGs? C'mon, folks! Where're the jokes? Where's the banter? Where's the raunch? Where are The Boobs? Speaking of boobs, where is Joe? I duly amended the blurb up top so we would be inclusive...or is Joe now offended at being referred to as 'titular?' I thought you'd find that choice of words fun and interesting, Joe. ; )

I'm having fun in Pittsburgh. My grandboy is beautiful and Mike and Jen seem so happy and to be doing very well, if a little tired. Jen has, so far, been able to tolerate her mother-in-law, though she got a little jealous last evening when Brendan seemed to sack out for the night on my chest. Boy, does he snuggle good! Boy, is he a cute baby! I'll post one pic here but there are others on MadMom and Mutt and I'll try to get yesterday's onto my Flickr page before we go over to go out for our Mother's Day brunch.

IS NOTHING HAPPERNING OUT THERE IN BAG WORLD???

Here's Daddy and a great up-the-nose shot of Bren.

Wish me luck on the, again, SIX-HOUR DRIVE back to the Philly area with my mother this afternooon!


Love to all...xoxox

MadMom and Mutt

Fun Site

I found a fabulously funny blog last night I thought you all might enjoy. Go check out A Sideways Look at Womanhood. I promise you'll like it or your money back...guaranteed!

I am all up in this shit!!!

Thanks so much Cheryl, for not giving up on me and leaving me all alone. I can't believe that I'm actually in here now. Oh yeah, I'm doing the booty dance!!! Oops, I think I just broke a window. Perhaps I shouldn't have backed that thing up so much.

Icky!

Someone arrived (I avoided the use of the word, "came.") at my MadMom and Mutt site via a Google search for the following words:

"mom son kleenex play yourself natural masturbate"

Can you say, "gross?"

ROFLMAO!

Oh, I Couldn't Resist

I decided to go back to the Cunnilingus Tutor, what with all the talk about great sex that's been floating around the BAG's Universe recently. Something in the air or something? ; )

Well, of course I had to read Tips from Men. I went there, tongue-in-cheek, so to speak, expecting to see a bunch of, in a manner of speaking, "overblown" guys blow smoke up someone's orifice. Imagine my surprise to find this little "G"em...

G-Spot BJ?!?!?!

You start with two fingers inside rubbing the bumpy part against the back of her pubic bone. She'll like that while your giving her the clit BJ! Suck her clit out real long.. and gently rub your teeth against its base, and gently drag your teeth as you suck it as long as it will go. Keep those two fingers busy. She'll juice up real good.

Keep it up.. make her relax. After a while, pucker up real tight and plant your lips just inside her, up front. The idea here is to suck/capture her front pussy wall.. gently. Capture it with suction. Now.. lick your lips in deeper, keeping the suction on, working your way deeper. She'll go crazy!!! With practice, you can actually work your way deeper and deeper.. sucking out her pussy skin.. licking your way
in there.

About now, your head will be in a vice, but she'll relax and let you work your way in. Okay.. here's the good part: With practice (Lots and Lots) you can get her to relax, and actually give her a certified G-Spot BJ. Once you can lick your way in there, and capture her G-Spot between your lips with suction, honey's gonna cum like no tomorrow. This is the holy grail of cunnilingus..This is the real PRO technique.

Oooooh, my! Now doesn't that sound delish?? I wonder if someone with smallish lips could manage that. I wonder what that would feel like. Betcha it would be yummy! Scrumptuous! Luscious. I might have to bookmark this page! Did you know a nursing instructor at the college I graduated from went on to co-author the research that led to the identification of the G-Spot??? I wonder what Dr. Whipple would think about this!

Is it time to upgrade your list of deepest desires, Von?

A bit of Fun fun fun!

Someone out there asked me to have a go at this. Go to google and in the search box type your name followed by needs and then search. See what comes up. Then add a comment so we can all giggle!

My search resulted in:

"Penny needs your help to be able to continue on her antibiotics..."

"We pray that this will be the last surgery Penny needs"

"Penny needs a new family. Can you give Penny some love and exercise??"

Any ideas?

Does anyone know why our side bar is now way down there.... yeah keep scrolling... This happened on my blog and was linked to a picutre of a link being too long causing the main text box to be too wide? I've scrolled the template but can't see why... hmmm... pondering.

What on Earth?

I've just got back from sunny bonnie Scotland and couldn't help but notice what a crap time some of you have been having! Von, hope Ayden is back on the mend, bless his little cotton socks, thank god the nurses were supportive, and those Dr's sound like complete tossers! Have noted Justin is going away, I hope he's going to leave you with a nice going away gift to bring a cheesy grin!

Kerry I hope you be feeling better now? I did wonder why my inboxes had less emails listed. No doubt if you're back at it I best get prepared. Get well hun!

Christine, I'm trying to grasp what's been going on in your life, and I can see things haven't been rosy. Fingers are crossed that its improving.

Cher... If you're not racing too much from over indulging in caffeine and are able to sit still and read this, your garden is looking fabulous!

Hope everyone else is fine and dandy. {{{{all}}}}

Ayden 2

Ladies and Germs

Sorry it took me so long to get back and let you all know how we were going. But as I explained I hadn't slept since Saturday night, and was too exhausted to even LOOK at the computer. I haven't checked my hotmail in a week, and God help me I don't even WANT to know how many emails will be there.

I did take Ayden to the hospital at 1am my time. And I learnt 3 things
1) Doctors are utterly annoying/pompous/uncaring/neanderthal FUCKWITS!
2) Nurses are the COOLEST beings on the planet and should all be worshipped as GODS!
3) You should NEVER go to a hospital when you are well. You WILL leave with something you didn't have when you got there!

Stop reading right now! It is going to get racist and bigoted from here on! Better still, I'll stop typing. Come over to my den to get the full story. Let's just say that Ayden has a very nasty virus as I understand it and seems to be on the mend albeit SLOWLY!

Love Yvonne

I Have Received Permission

Hey all...amid all the ills that seem to be plaguing us lately, I have some happy news. I have been given the all-clear to go and visit the grandboy over Mother's Day weekend! Woo-hoo! Look out, Brendan, here comes Nana! I'll be taking my mom out for her first visit with Bren. Wish me luck on the five-hour one-way drives there and back! ROFL!

I get to go back to work tomorrow for the first time following the Date Which Will Live in Infamy. I stopped by to apologize to my boss, Kathy, for having a ridiculous and ridiculously loud screaming match (expletives included) with a co-worker the other day. I am now either everyone's heroine or absolutely confirmed as a total head case! Oh well. Something's gotta give at work soon and it ain't gonna be me this time. I did not work up the nerve to talk to my director about the job I'm hoping for. I'd wanted to speak with Kathy first but she was away at a conference. I may call Connie (the boss's boss) tomorrow and try to get a handle on what's going on with the position. I need to know I have an out coming up or I have to start making one for myself.

Has anyone heard from Yvonne??? I guess the poor little bugger needed to go into the hospital. If anyone hears from her, please send my love? Kerry, feel better, too!

Love to all...

Does This Make Me Sexist?

Does the fact that it bothers me far less to see a man's butt festooned like this than to see a woman's butt all decked out make me a sexist pig? Pigette?? ; )

Ayden

Girls

Ayden is very ill. He started being very unaydenlike on Sunday morning, which I put down to a rude awakening and lack of sleep. He had diorreah? (whatever) by lunchtime and has not stopped shitting since then. I thought he was teething, due to the irritability , pooey nappies and red cheeks.

I took him to the doctor yesterday morning. he said it's a virus that is also giving him the shits. And to stay off dairy products until at least 24 hours after the shit has become normal again. However the poor kids arse looks like someone poured boiling water over it. It is bright red, blistered, bleeding and he cant sit without screaming. They gave me quartizone cream, which seems to be doing fuck all!

Ayden is beside himself with pain and is making life hell. He wants his bottle of milk. Nothing else I have offerred will suffice. I even tried soy. He has gradually eaten less and less, and drunk next to fuck all. His nappies are not wet at all. But he's shitting every 20 - 30 minutes.

I am scared shitless and totally unaware of what to do to help him. He's lethargic in a scary way and losing weight. And havent slept much since I woke on Sunday morning.

The reason for the post is, I am taking him to the hospital RIGHT NOW! It is 12:10am my time. If you dont hear from me much, it's cause of that. I just didnt want you all to think I had vanished again ;-) Will be in touch soon.

Sorry no spell check or proof read tonight, what you see is what you get

Love you all
Yvonne

Morning Poem

I woke early one morning,

The earth lay cool and still,

When suddenly a tiny bird,

Perched on my window sill,

He sang a song so lovely,

So carefree and so gay,

That slowly all my troubles

Began to slip away

He sang of far off places,

Of laughter and of fun,

It seemed his very trilling,

Brought up the morning sun,

I stirred beneath the covers,

Crept slowly out of bed,

Then gently shut the window,

And crushed his fucking head,

I'm not a morning person.

How Does Cheryl's Garden Grow?

My first clematis bud opening. It has been a beautiful spring.

Hope it continues into the summer!

May Day

Happy May Day, all! Fair wages, fair trade, a living wage. For all. YEAH!

xoxox

Great Nudes Site!

Hi all...I happened upon the most wonderful nude photo site. Seriously, this isn't spam! Check out All Naked, right here on our very own Blogger.com! The women are beautiful and the photography ain't half bad, either! I think I'm going to become a frequent visitor.

I just don't get what is so special about Carmen Electra, though. She seems so fake and Barbie-ish to me. Justin? Joe? What is is about her? I'd take Tea Carrere any day. Or this Chairmsa Carpenter, whoever the hell she is. Oh, yeah, in a heartbeat. Bump-thump! Bump-thump!